Len Grady: Emotional Intelligence at Work!: June 18

“No creature can fly with just one wing.
Gifted leadership occurs where head and heart – feeling and thought – meet.
These are the two wings that allow a leader to soar.”
- Daniel Goleman

Emotional Intelligence is the foundation that creates relationships that work!

Emotional Intelligence =
Awareness + Reflection + Insight + Skills in Action

Why do people who appear intelligent act in ways which contradict common sense and logic? recent psychological studies report that a strong IQ (Intelligent Quotient) does not translate to a sure indicator of success in life. Many would be surprised to learn that IQ makes up only a mere 20 percent of the success story. The overwhelming remaining 80 percent derives from many other causes, which psychologist Daniel Goleman called "Emotional Intelligence" or "Emotional Quotient" (EQ). This is good news as it means that EQ can be developed. What follows are some of the ingredients of EI or EQ.

Self-awareness: Implies the ability to recognize our own feelings. Increased awareness of one's feelings allows for better control over one's life. Take what we commonly call “gut feelings” that appear without you being consciously aware of them. Say, for example, someone says something really nasty to you; later in the day after the remark, someone actually points out to you that you're in a bad mood. However, when you "check your feelings", you are then in a position to adjust or modify them. Emotional self-awareness brings us one step closer to the major building block of emotional intelligence - the cability to throw off a bad mood.

Mood management: We must learn to find a balance between good and bad moods. Very often it is difficult to stay “in control” when we are swept by a strong feeling (e.g. anger). But we certainly can control how long that emotion or feeling will last. Most people find anger to be the mood that is hardest to deal with. Suppose you find a person driving recklessly, your reflexive reaction would be to get angry with that person, right? The more you curse, the angrier you get.

How can you "cool off"?. One myth is to give expression to anger. "Venting” or letting off steam would make you feel better. Actually, explosions of anger serve to only stimulate the brain’s arousal system leading to even more anger!

A smarter strategy is "refraining" which means seeing a situation in a more positive light. So, in the scenario of the rude driver, you might say to yourself, "maybe he was not a competent driver; he must have been in a rush."

Other anger-defusing strategies include having a time-out to calm down, going for some exercise, like a long walk. Whatever you do, don't drag things out by hanging onto these anger thoughts. Find a way to pull your mind and thoughts away from the anger. Remaining with your anger is ultimately self-destructive; by moving away from the anger, you are moving towards self-healing and, by extension, self-improvement.

Self-motivation: Find your inner power: the power what gives you power, drive, and freedom in life. What almost always makes the difference between success and failure in any field is the degree to which the individual is motivated to succeed. A positive attitude added to the capability to be self-motivated yields significant achievement - every time!

Impulse control: Self-discipline or the ability to deny oneself immediate gratification does not come easily to anyone. It also means exercising control of oneself towards attaining future goals, whether personal or professional. The significance of impulse control as a crucial element in the success formula was highlighted in an experiment at a pre-school class.

Children were promised a treat - a chocolate, immediately. If however, they waited until the teacher completed an experiment, they could have two bars of chocolate. As expected, some children grabbed the single chocolate immediately. A few however, preferred to wait until the teacher finished his work. To help them in their struggle, the children (who preferred to wait) distracted themselves by discussing with each other, and even covering their eyes. These smart ones finally got the double treat.

The follow-up of this study revealed that the children who as preschoolers were able to wait for the double treat, later as adolescents were still able to control themselves in pursuit of an aim. They were able to cope with frustrations and disappointments as adults. Besides they were more socially competent and self-assertive. In contrast, the other group adolescents were more likely to be stubborn, tense and indecisive.

We can improve our impulse control by practicing it at every available opportunity. When an impulse surfaces out of the blue to tempt you, remind yourself of your future goals. This should really help you avoid going for the single chocolate.

People skills: Being considerate of others' feelings is an important element in all relationships - at work, with friends and family are all excellent examples of this fact. Our unconscious is extremely adept at recognizing and communicating the cues behind the thoughts and feelings of others. Once we are more skilled at reading these cues, the more control we have over the signals we send to others. I once met a professor of behavioral sciences who said "A big part of ethics is fundamentally just other- regarding behavior". And that is precisely what etiquette is all about. If we don’t help our students get it right in the little things, they will never be in a position to get it right in the big things. We must teach them to be courteous, hoping this will help them to be moral.

Ethics is not primarily about the big things; it is not the sole preserve of mind-bending dilemmas and difficult cases. It is mostly about everyday matters like how we treat the people around us.

It has been found the average students in class were more successful in life than the academically brilliant. Obviously, academic excellence does not guarantee success in life. Emotional quotient too plays a part. To call oneself “educated” in the true sense of the term, calls for a union of the mind and heart. A touch of excellence in the quality of life we lead would make a difference between living life to the fullest, and merely existing.

Happy Job Hunting!